


we burned the bridges we're crossing over

by TheVeryLastValkyrie



Series: and i'll be new baptised [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: And She Hears His Voice in Her Head When She Can't Sleep, But Rey is In Hot Pursuit, F/M, In Which Ren Has Escaped Captivity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-05-15 15:02:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5789950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheVeryLastValkyrie/pseuds/TheVeryLastValkyrie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The hunt isn't personal. The hunt is just all she has left of him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we burned the bridges we're crossing over

He’ll pay for that kiss.

I’ve been chasing him across the galaxy for weeks now, hot and ashamed. I don’t know why he hasn’t headed straight for the First Order, for any one of their innumerable bases or starships. I don’t know where he’s going, or how he’s managing to make the tiny fighter he stole intermittently disappear from our scopes. I’m out of ideas, and we’re nearly out of fuel, and from the glances Finn is sneaking at me from the co-pilot’s chair – Chewie prefers to do his own repairs, and I prefer to be the one in charge of the controls – my friend is out of patience.

“We have to go back.”

“No,” I say stubbornly. Space is spread out before us, like liquid, like an endless night. I’ll never get used to the stars spinning by me, never. I don’t ever want to.

“Rey –”

“No.”

“Yes.” He puts his hand over mine, which I’m getting used to. I’m trying to get used to being cared about, but I’m also trying as hard, or harder, not to get used to it. Things change. People leave. “If this were for the good of the Resistance, I’d say okay, full speed ahead…but it’s not. It’s personal. It’s you trying to win back whatever you think you lost when he overpowered you, but you don’t have to. No one is judging you. No one is blaming you, Rey. Kylo Ren is Snoke’s protégé, and he has twice your training, twice the time you’ve had to –”

“You’re a fine one to talk about _personal_ , Finn.” I’m behaving as though his words haven’t reached me, but they have. They’ve gone deeper than my ears, gone straight through me though I know he didn’t intend them to be like bullets. I address the dashboard like a coward, keeping my hands busy resetting the guidance system, the turret, anything with a reset switch.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Everyone knows you’re in love with Poe, including Poe.” This isn’t fair. This isn’t mine to play around with, or to tell, or to hold up between us. He sees too much too clearly, Finn. I’m starting to realise it’s a trait of his. “Why don’t you focus on winning _him_ instead of pretending you know everything, including what I think and how I feel.” That isn’t fair either. Poe Dameron isn’t a prize, he’s funny. He’s strong. He explains things over again, more slowly when I don’t understand, and he never gets impatient. He’s my friend, one of the only other friends I have.

I’m more than usually desperate to sleep when I lie down in my bunk that night, but the closer I get, the more it seems to slip away. It’s only ever microns away, that’s the problem. It never goes far enough for me to give it up, to get up and go and do something useful.

_That was mine._

I turn my face into the pillow, shutting up in and outside of my head.

_You still can’t sleep._

_How’s your nose?_ I have to know, but it feels cruel to ask.

 _Broken_ , he replies. _Better._

I kept on punching him until I felt the bone crack, but he left anyway.

_Where are you running to?_

_Why are you following me?_

The shape of my saber under my cheek is something I’m getting used to too. I’m itching to turn it on, to see the blade light up the dark with the blue pulse of supercharged water.

_It’s nothing personal._

I almost bite my tongue in half trying to take that back.


End file.
